This is a post about why I do what I do with my life right now. It’s about me, and my experience. But mostly it’s about you and me.
Many of you have been around for the last year of ups and downs. It has been a roller coaster – a fantastic, terrifying, soul searching cluster fuck of near failure and near success. Of doubt and of confidence. Of making choices, some great, some not so great.
It has been a leap of faith, based on gut feeling, burning desire, a need to make meaning. It came out of being almost but not quite sure about what I wanted to be if and when I grew up, and amazingly, finding something that I felt in my heart was the thing I should be doing.
Today started with a serious hurdle, miraculously and with the right help, very gracefully and easily overcome, much to my surprise. What could have been a really uncomfortable and anger causing situation was met with patience and understanding.
The rest of the day fucking knocked it out of the park. New members, projects completed and well on their way. Topped off by a toast with some absolute faves. I sat down with some members (friends) and they told me how much they love the studio, and what it means to them, and I literally cried with relief.
And then dinner with a good friend who was a stranger just a few months ago, who identified that I needed to get out of the space, and not only took me out, but gave me his place so I could have a real break, even for a night. So important.
I don’t even have the words to express what I’m feeling right now. Relief and pride and being cared for and cared about and making a difference and building a family and so many things I can’t put my finger on.
Tomorrow is another day, and will come with its own uncertainties and worries and problems to solve. But holy shit, I’m so fiercely proud of this thing we’re all making together. I’m so blessed, and so lucky, to have this community in my life. I’m so far from where I was a year ago, and so much closer to where I was hoping I could go.
I had a time a year ago when I thought to myself “maybe the highs are all over, and from here it’s just work, and getting by”, and it was a sad thought but I accepted it in a way. That seemed ok. And I thought I could find contentment anyway.
And I was so wrong. The best moments of my life have happened in the last year. The most amazing connections. There has been stress and anxiety and discontentment and struggle – but so much joy! So much living!
Fuck the bucket list. This is it, what I want to be doing, at least for now, and now is the important thing. I was never sure that Vancouver was the place for me, but what I have now is most definitely my place.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for building this with me. I can’t imagine a different life, without you. This is sappy and gushy and all kinds of love, and that’s not so much me, and I don’t care. You should know how very much you mean to me. How much value you bring into my life and the lives of the people I’m honoured to call our community. I couldn’t get through a single day without you.
And now I will take a bath, and be blissfully, temporarily without you. But I’ll be back, tomorrow. Because you’ll be there, and I can’t wait to see you, and what tomorrow could bring. You are literally, the best.